The Pirates in a Adventure with Scientists (book)



The Pirates in a Adventure with Scientists is the first book published by Gideon Defoe

Plot:

The book is set in 1837, following The Pirate Captain and his crew.

The crew are arguing (again) about what is the best thing about being a pirate.This ends in a fight until the Pirate Captain breaks it up and says that the best bit of being a pirate is the shanties. Then crew start to sing a shantey.

The Pirate Captin goes to his office with The Pirate with a Scarf, his trusty second in command. He says that he thinks the crew are arguing so much is that they've been so bored since they came to the West Indies after their last adventure.The Pirate Captain decides to leave for another adventure, exciting the crew. While out at sea, the crew get a letter from their rival, Black Bellamy, inviting the to a feast on his ship, the Barbary Hen, as a apology to make up the trouble he has caused them in the past. Despite some protests by the crew, the Pirate Captain decides to go. When they get there, Black Bellamy shows that he has changed by acting very polite towards the crew (he is famous for his lack of manners). He asks the Pirate Captain to join him in a game of cards, which he does. After a while, the Pirate Captain soon loses all of the ship's supply of ham. Finally he wins big time, but Black Bellamy tells him that if he gives back all his lost doubloons, he'll tell them where they can find ten times that sort of loot. They do and Black Bellamy tells them that there is a ship called the Beagle that supposably belongs to the Bank of England, sailing near the Galapagos Islands, transporting lots of gold.With that the Pirate Captain and his crew set off for the Galapagos Islands (which is actually eight hundred leagues away).

After a couple of days waiting for the Beagle, the pirate in green goes to the Pirate Captain asking if he can have a tattoo of his face on his arm. Just when the Pirate Captain starts to cry, touched by this gesture, the pirate with an accordion bursts in saying that the Beagle has been spotted.

On board the Beagle, Charles Darwin  is about to fight with the ship's captain, Robert FitzRoy, for a girl they both fancy on the ship, before the girl they were fighting over comes in, about to say there are pirates boarding the ship, get's hit by a cannonball leaving her very dead.

The pirates burst into the office, asking for the ship's gold. The pirates are in for a big shock when they discover that the Beagle not actually a ship from the Bank of England, but a ship on a scientific expedition. The real ship from the Bank of England, is actually back at the West Indies, now being raided by Black Bellamy and his crew. Darwin explains that the expedition is for a he has a theory he has that he believes a monkey can be made into a human gentleman (or a Man-panzee). While they were finding a suitable specimen, Darwin got word from England that his brother, Erasmus, has gone missing. He believes that he was kidnapped by the evil Bishop of Oxford, so the man-panzee won't ruin his buisness of the Elephant Man in the 'Circus of Freaks'. Darwin shows the pirates his specimen for the man-panzee, called Mister Bobo who uses flash cards to speak. However without a ship to return to England, Darwin has no chance of confronting the Bishop, so the Pirate Captain agrees to take him and FitzRoy's crew back to England, get his brother back, and have Mister Bobo accepted in Victorian society.

However when all the crew from the Beagle come on, it is clear that there is no room for them to sleep. So, several of the annoying pirates have to walk the plank.

The pirates, Darwin and FitzRoy arrive at Littlehampton (the south coast of England). The Pirate Captain agrees to let his crew have fun at the amusement arcade, much to Darwins chargrin. After spending time at the arcade, they set off for London. When they get there however, the Pirate Captain wants to go the the London Zoo before doing anything else. When done, they go shopping in the West End. While there, the Pirate Captain notices a poster for the Circus of Freaks having lots of ladies' nights and that many have gone missing lately, then being found shrivelled up and lifeless in the River Thames. After narrowingly being missed my a police officer, Darwin takes the pirates to the Royal Society Gentlemen's Club wearing scientist disguises. While there FitzRoy introduces the Pirate Captain to James Glaisher who they both are making a weather balloon (pay attention, this comes in later) for'' 'The thrill of discovery! Advancing the sum total of human knowledge and endeavour! And for looking down ladies tops.' ''

The Pirate Captain comes with the idea to for his crew to put posters of Darwin's lecture of Mister Bobo all over London while the pirate with a scarf and the pirate with an accordian to go to the Circus of Freaks to see if the Bishop's plans have anything to do with the circus. Unfortunaly, they have to go dressed up like women; it was ladies night after all! This leaves Darwin wondering if this lecture would bring him sucess with women (like in the movie, Darwin has bad luck with women).

While the pirates are getting ready with the plan, the Pirate Captain is invited to attend a Pirate Convention as a guest of honour. He tells his crew that it must be real since there is a secret stamp on the seal of the envelope of the Jolly Roder. He decides to go.

The pirate with a scarf and the pirate with an accodian go to the Circus of Freaks and meet Jennifer, a young lady who thinks there's something wrong happening at the circus after her sister went missing (and ended up in the Thames). The disgused pirates tell her that they are there for the same reason, and even reveal that they are pirates to her so they work together. They leave the pirate with an accordian and go inside a tent marked 'A Special Exhibit For The Ladies. While the pirate with a scarf is trying to impress Jennifer, they are knocked out by someone holding rags soaked in chloroform. They find themselves inside glass tubes where they see the Bishop. He tells them that he's responsible for the missing ladies, kidnapping them in the circus where he sucks out their life-essence from them through a machine, so he can look younger than he is and meet a girl (I know right). But he needs women to come the the circus, so if Darwin's man-panzee theory becomes a sucess, no-one will come to the circus, so no women for him!

When he tries to take their life-essence, his machine refuses to work, making him realise that the pirate in a scarf is actually a man. He fastens him to a notch between a massive metal cog's teeth where the pirate with a scarf discovers Erasmus tied to another cog's teeth. The Bishop turns the machine on then leaves them. Soon enough, the pirate with an accordian comes to rescue the trio but then dies of scurvy after he finishes saying how he found them.

Meanwhile at the Pirate Convection, the Pirate Captain meets his friend Scurvy Jake and helps him sign kids autographs. After several drinks of grog, the Pirate Captain asks if he has a white sheet.

The Pirate Captain meets with Darwin to explain that he has created the idea of the 'Holy Ghost' to come in during the lecture to impress the audience (which is actually Scurvy Jake making ghost noises under a white sheet). He then shows his worries about the pirate with a scarf not coming back from the circus, since he needs him so, but he doesn't really care about the pirate with an accordian.

During the lecture, the Bishop unwittingly sits next to the Pirate Captain in his scientist disguse. During the 'Holy Ghost' entrance, the Pirate Captain tries to threaten the Bishop to tell him where Erasmus is. However, the Bishop gets away from him, leading to a chase that nearly kills him before Darwin and Mister Bobo (with his lecture over) saves the Pirate Captain. The Bishop tells them that Erasmus and the pirate with a scarf are inside Big Ben and that they only have till midnight before they 'get another cog right in the chops'.

After the Pirate Captain, Darwin and Mister Bobo get to Big Ben, they all agree that none of them will actually want to climb it. So they get inside the weather balloon FitzRoy and James Glaisher were making (ha, told you it would come in later!) with the rest of the crew. After making it to the clock, they find out that they only have a matter of moments before the clock strikes midnight. So the pirates decide with rock, paper, scissors. The Pirate Captain loses so therefore must make the jump into Big Ben. While trying to make an entrance by breaking the glass, he fails miserably and instead makes the funny sound of beef hitting a chopping board then slowly beginning to slide down. After that, he breaks part of the glass with his foot then clambered inside. He saves Jennifer first (since she was the prettiest) but accidently forgets about Erasmus and the pirate with a scarf tied to the cogs, leaving Erasmus with his arm getting crushed by the cog. He also finds the pirate with an accordian dead on the ground.

As the pirates leave, Darwin who had his arm round two vivacious looking brunettes, Mister Bobo and Erasmus wave goodbye. Jennifer joins the pirate crew, they keep the dead body of the pirate with an accordian as a 'good luck charm' and they take the Bishop (who had been tied to the mast) to an uninhabited island where they'll maroon him. The Pirate Captain also reveals that he got a piece of gold from the chase with the Bishop as a bit of treasure.

Notes
 * Unlike the film, the crew of the Pirate Captain is larger with more pirates being introduced e.g. the pirate in green. But they still have some of the main pirate crew from the film like the albono pirate.


 * In the 'Comprehension Exercise' at the end of the story, there is a question asking the readers 'Apart from Brain Blessed, who do you think should play the Pirate Captain if they were ever to make a movie of this book?' Sorry Gideon, Hugh Grant has already taken that role!